Open, Semi-open, and closed adoption
We have a fully open adoption with Cameron’s first family. What does this mean, you ask. Well, that is what I am here to explain!! (Please keep in mind that some people view open in different degrees. These are solely my opinions based on my life experiences.)
An open adoption is one where all personal identifying information is known. We know E’s first and last name, address, telephone number, e-mail address, etc. And she knows all the same about us. Open can be slightly less knowledge. An adoption where names and phone numbers are known, but not addresses, would still be open. Visits are common in open adoptions.
Semi-open: a semi open adoption would be some personal information shared, but not enough to truly know who the person is. First names only, cell phone numbers, generic e-mail addresses are all possibilities in a semi-open adoption. Letters are often exchanged, but through a conduit: the agency, attorney, etc. Visits sometimes occur, but at nuetral locations.
Closed: In a closed adoption, nothing is known. The adoptive family is generally given an overall description: height, weight, eye color, hair color, race. The birth mom may look at profiles and have an idea of what the adoptive family looks like. Sometimes first names are known. However, there is no exchange of phone numbers or e-mail addresses. There are no letters or visits. There is no contact whatsoever.
In today’s adoption world, semi-open seems to be the most common. A lot of people are scared of open. They don’t want the birth mom to know where they live. And most agencies are now preferring to keep adoptions semi-open.
The most common question we get is: “Aren’t you scared she (meaning E) will come back and take him later?” Short answer: “NO.” She made this incredibly difficult decision because she wanted what was best for her son. She would never want to inflict that kind of pain on him to rip him from his family, the only family he has known for the past 10 months. She is never going to do that to him.
My family believes that openness is the best option because the child does not have to wonder where he (or she) came from and what their first family looked like. The child can learn the reasons his birth mom chose adoption. Cameron’s adoption is not as open as we would prefer because we are not doing visits. We hope one day, E will feel strong enough to do visits. And we hope future adoptions are as open, or more open, than Cameron’s adoption.
May 30th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
When we first started researching for our adoption, we thought we knew what we wanted. Our agency spent a lot of time talking about the varying openness levels of adoption,and even convinced us to change our minds once we thought about what would be best for our child. There are SO many myths about open adoption! Unfortunately, the media spends much more time showcasing the few real-life negative situations with open adoption as well as too many unrealistic made-for-TV movies rather than really sharing the stories of successful open or semi-open arrangements in which all parties in the adoption triad can benefit and live happily in their families!
We chose semi-open adoption (well, we were even hoping for open, but our son’s birthmom requested semi-open) so we could have as much information about our child’s biological and prenatal history as possible as well as the potential for future contact, if he has questions as he grows up.
For now, I like the security of knowing a little bit about his birthfamily, so we can help him learn about him self and establish his self-identity as he gets older, and use our knowledge to understand parts of his personality that might help us “adopt” a parenting style that really works for our son. Also, it’s very valuable to me knowing his birthmom doesn’t have to sit and wonder what he looks like, if we’re taking care of him, how he’s growing - we send her letters and pictures in the form of updates on our family in the hopes that it helps her feel secure in her decision to place him with us, and know he’s always being loved and cared for, and is thriving!
She couldn’t parent her child. That will never erase the fact that she created him, gave him life and sustained him for 9 months. It won’t fill the place in her heart where he grew either! But we hope to be able to let her love for him live and ease her mind about his well-being.
May 30th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
StorkWatcher,
Thanks for that beautiful comment. It was touching to hear your story and the reasons for your decisions. Thank you for sharing!!