Parenting After Adoption

This list will have a lot of overlap from yesterday’s list of How to Treat Expectant Mothers. It is a much shorter list though. For some reason, I hit a block while trying to come up with these. If you see anything I missed, please let me know and I will edit the list!

-Keep agreements. If you said pictures once a month and visits twice a year, do it. Unless the birth mom specifically asks you not to, keep your word. Our agreement with Cameron’s birth mom is monthly pictures and visits annually. We have lost contact with her, but we continue sending the pictures because we said we would. And we will unless she asks us to stop. It looks as if the visit will not occur, but if she calls tomorrow and asks for it, we will hop in the car and make it happen. We gave our word and we intend to keep it.
-Adoptive parents: Don’t refer to her as ‘our’ birth mom. She is not. She is the child’s birth mom.
-Encourage counseling. From what I have read, the first year is very tough for birth moms. There are a lot of milestones they are missing. Encourage her to get some counseling and work through everything.
-Anticipate bad days. We all have them. If you call her and she says it is a bad time to talk, listen to her and tell her to let you know when a better time is. If she asks for a little space, give it, but be sure to let her know you will be waiting with open arms once she feels up to resuming contact.
-Don’t assume birth parents are bad people. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Everyone assumes they are horrible drug users and Cameron is so lucky to have us. The truth is Cameron’s birth mom, like so many others, is a great person. She would have been a fabulous mom to him. But, she felt, for him, that she was not in a place to care for him the way she wanted him to be cared for. Most of the birth moms I have ‘met’ are great people who already were or went on to become great moms.

Well, that’s all I’ve got. I am sure I missed some big stuff. Let me know.

And that brings us to the end of my series. I could probably find a few more, like extended family, adoptees, etc. but I don’t feel I have enough knowledge at this time to write about those. Maybe one day after more reading and more listening I will be able to add a few more. I hope you all enjoyed my first adoption series. And I hope you learned a little.