Parenting After Adoption

Our vacation plans changed at the end of last week when my 3-year-old became ill and my husband began passing a kidney stone. A 2-week trip two days from home no longer seemed enjoyable so we altered our plan to a 1-week trip a half day from home. We had only two days to change our entire itinerary, research the places we planned to visit, revise our menus and repack. We got a late start on Saturday, which threw off our schedule, and with it, L’s sense of security.

Now that L has been with our family for almost two years and he has come to place where he is feeling more comfortable with his new surroundings and life, we are finding ourselves taking for granted that he still needs our perpetual reassurance that he is safe and he is loved. When you stop and think about it, we all need that kind of reassurance on a regular basis, right? I want and need to hear from my husband each and every day that he loves me. Whether or not he’s happy with me at any given moment, I need to know his love is still sure. So is it any wonder our children need this assurance from us?

On Saturday morning we jumped out of bed and shifted into “getting read to leave for a week” mode. We did not explain our new plans to the kids, just that we were not going to Utah after all. Oops! After 5 weeks of preparation, explanations and a lot of hype, we should have taken more time to share our new plans with our kids. In all honesty, we might have done so if we were not now make it up on the fly. Still, we could have explained at least that to them.

L woke up in a sour mood. Of course, we thought he should have been excited for our vacation. After all, he enjoys traveling and camping. After much nagging from our other children to know our plans, we finally explained to the kids that we only know the destinations, not necessarily what we’ll do while we’re there. Not much security in that, is there?

It may not have helped that it is also summer. A time when many children often feel insecure because the lack of routine and frequently changing adventures that often happen in the summer. This is amplified for children who have experienced trauma in their past or in children who were older when they were adopted. I am very interested to hear from all of you about your summer routines. How do you help your children feel secure and reduce the number of times they declare, “I’m bored!”

Here are my top five:

1. Daily reading, both aloud and personal reading.
2. Get out of the house for a summer activity at least once a week.
3. Writing about and/or keeping a list of summer adventures.
4. Make a plan for the day *with* my kids.
5. Turn off the TV and get out the non-electronic games.

I’m happy to report that once we were on the road and started coming up with a plan, L relaxed. We plan each day in the morning so the kids know what to expect throughout the day, and we have made it clear that this will happen every day. They also know we have a surprise for them at the end of the week. A jet boat ride on the Rogue River! Shhhh! Don’t tell the kids!

© Copyright 2007 Rebecca Wilson. All Rights Reserved.
Used with permission.