Parenting After Adoption

This weekend my family will celebrate Haiti’s Flag Day, which is an important holiday in Haiti. On Friday, I will send all of my children to school with mini Haitian flags and a brief history of Haiti’s flag to read to their class. Lucas will wear his My Two Countries t-shirt. On Saturday, we will meet with local group of Haitian people and adoptive families to celebrate at a local park. On Sunday, we will honor the actual day of the holiday by eating traditional Haitian food for dinner.

For Chinese New Year, we were thrilled to have my sister and niece visit. We celebrated by going to the most authentic Mandarin restaurant available with them and our extended family. My sister shared with us about my niece’s language and culture. Months later, all of my children still talk about the experience. They were only vaguely aware of China until my niece joined our family. Now they take as much interest in her culture as they do their siblings’ Haitian culture.

Many adopted children come to their new families with a culture different than their own. Even if their child is unaware of their culture, it is the responsibility of the adoptive parents to help him learn and celebrate the culture of his birth.

Here are some ways you can honor and celebrate your child’s culture:

Learn her native language. If you child arrive speaking her native language, help her to continue her fluency of her language. Find a tutor or mentor that can help her learn and speak the language of her birth. If that is not possible, find books, videos, and audio materials that will help immerse her in the language.

Put all the major holidays and traditions on your family calendar. Learn how the people in his culture celebrate them and do so in your own family. You can also seek out people form his culture to mentor him and/or celebrate with you.

If you have contact her family, ask them how they celebrate. If your relationship allows it, invite them to join your celebration or join theirs.

Provide him with traditional clothing from his culture and teach him how and why it is worn. This is another area where seeking out people and family to help mentor him will pay dividends.

Participate in local groups and communities centered around your child’s culture. They can be a valuable source of support and education.

Whatever you do, be positive and show unconditional acceptance of the culture of your child’s birth. Help her to celebrate to the degree she desires. There may be times in her life when she does not want to celebrate or remember. Honor her wishes, but make it available. It is a part of who she is. As your child grows, help her to incorporate her culture into her life as much as she is comfortable.

And if your child was born into the same culture as your family, not every family celebrates exactly the same way, as is evidenced in every time a newlywed says, “But! My mom does it this way.” Whenever possible, seek to the learn the the important traditions and celebrations in your child’s birth family no matter where your child was born.

Flag Day in the U.S. often goes largely ignored. It’s not even a federal or bank holiday. In my family, however, it is as important to us as Haiti’s Flag Day is to most Haitians. When the weather allows, we celebrate with a BBQ and swimming at the river at my in-laws’ home. We often do some sort of American flag related craft. This year, my children learned about the Pledge of Allegiance and Star-Spangled Banner in Cub Scouts and in their classes at school so we will do a family project to bring it all together.

How do you recognize and celebrate holidays and traditions in your child’s culture?

Copyright © 2008 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

Trans-cultural Adoption, Transcultural Adoption, First Families, Birth Families, Haiti, Haiti’s Flag Day, U.S. Flag Day, Chinese New Year, Cultural Education