Parenting After Adoption

Haiti Trip #1

My first trip to Haiti where I experienced a lot of firsts. My first airport in a developing country, my first visit to a developing country, my first visit to an orphanage, meeting Lucas for the first time, and leaving a child behind for the first time.

• Traveling to Haiti
• The Airport Experience
• Arrival Home
• Visiting Lucas

(more…)

As we brought all our luggage to the vehicles and checked out of the hotel, Rhett and Claudia became serious and pressed close to me. I could tell they were fearful I was leaving them again. I wished with all my heart that it wasn’t going play out that way, but it was out of my control. They were going back to the orphanage and I would get on that plane alone.

On the drive to the orphanage, they sat with me in the van quietly observing the people and scenery we passed. If we saw a motorcycle, Rhett pointed it out, but not with his usual enthusiasm. When we pulled into the alley way that led to the front gate of the orphanage, Rhett began to cry and Claudia’s body became stiff against mine. Claudia quickly exited the van and walked up the steps into the building without even a backward glance to see if I was behind her. Rhett sobbed and held onto my hand. (more…)

We, the parents, were sitting at a table in the hotel restaurant when our children arrived. Rhett and Claudia recognized me immediately. Rhett’s eyes lit up and a big smile spread across his face as he hurried toward me. Claudia, however, was cautious. She obviously recognized me and raised her hands for me to pick her up when I approached her, but she appeared be nervous and shy.

My concerns about Claudia’s reaction were soon alleviated when she began smiling and laughing with the hour. We sat in the restaurant for a couple of hours eating and getting reacquainted then we went to our hotel room. Once there, both children opened up further and we enjoyed playing and singing together until meeting up with our group for the next meal. (more…)

In November 2007, we had reached the point in our adoption process where I was required to travel to in order to sign some paperwork for the U.S. government. It does sound a bit odd that I had to travel to Haiti for U.S. paperwork, but that is how it worked at that time for file the I-600 form when adopting in Haiti if we wanted United States Citizenship & Immigration Service (USCIS) in Port-au-Prince to do the field investigation while we were waiting in the Ministry of Interior (MOI) for passport approval.

Given the torturous parting in May 2006–note the number of months between trip #3 and trip #4–I was feeling quite torn about whether to meet with my children or not. The entire trip was only four days, with only 48 hours in Haiti at the hotel. (more…)

As I mentioned mentioned in my previous post, this month is two years since I traveled with my mother-in-law to spend a week in Haiti with Rhett and Claudia. It was an amazing week! One that I have carried with me every day for two years. Today I will share about leaving them behind–again.

Words cannot describe the pain the night we took the kids back to the orphanage. Rhett and Claudia knew the routine. They had experienced it with me when we left them behind six months before. And they had witnessed it happen many times with their peers. By the time we reached the gate, they were withdrawn and held onto me as if they hoped they could cling to me forever. (more…)

On the 1st of May 2005, I arrived in Haiti for the third time in 14 months. My mother-in-law traveled with me. It was a wonderful opportunity for her to become acquainted with the homeland of her Haitian-born grandchildren, volunteer at their orphanage, and most importantly, meet her grandchildren waiting in Haiti.

For me, it was an opportunity to spend some concentrated time with the children at the hotel. This was not our first meeting. That took place six months before when we traveled to Haiti to bring home our son, Lucas. We stayed in Haiti two extra days so we could meet and spend time with Rhett and Claudia. Rhett spent the two days with us, but Claudia was only with us for just shy of 24 hours. We knew, though, that we wanted to be their mom and dad. As soon I held them, I knew that I could never walk away from them. (more…)

It was nine months before I was able to return to Haiti. But I returned as I had promised L. He later told me that he believe that I lied to him and that I was never returning. I don’t blame him. Had I known it would be such a long time before he would be ready to travel, I would have visited again. Each month we kept thinking it would only be another month or two. Before we knew it, nine months went by.

For months I had dreamed of the day. Once I was finally there, it was a surreal experience. I was rendered speechless when we met L’s mom. I had a list of questions that I had brainstormed, but I left it at home. The best I could must was expressing our love for L and assuring her that we would provide him a good life in America. (more…)

As with the previous entries, these are taken directly from my journal.

I know that many of you are wondering if I will ever write about my visit with Lucas. Even my husband is probably wondering when I will share the details with him. I have started many times, but I can never finish. Either I would end up in tears or I would find myself unable to finish sharing what is so very dear to my heart. I’m only three sentences into this writing and already my heart is full and my eyes are wet. Yet I must write before I begin to forget the details.

(more…)

Saturday, February 19, 2005 arrived far too quickly, but I was so excited to go home that I jumped out of bed and was ready to go within 10 minutes! Once we checked in and arrived at our gate, I called home. It was 4 a.m. our time, but I didn’t care. I just had to hear my husband’s voice and tell him some of what I had experienced. We were only able to talk for about 15 minutes, but it was enough to get me through the rest of the day. (more…)

Leaving the airport in Port-au-Prince is something else! Right outside the doors are throngs of people calling out to you and several men swarm in to grab your bags. We were instructed to hold tight to our bags, walk fast, and say “No!” very firmly. If you give one a bag, they all start grabbing the rest out of your hands. So this is what Monica* and I did, but our driver, Daniel*, threw one of Monica’s bags onto a cart and allowed one of the men to carry it. The others swarmed us and grabbed the box I was carrying out of my hands. In the end, we had 5-6 men carrying our bags and we had to tip them all. This was an overwhelming experience that left me feeling very vulnerable. (more…)

I am interrupting our regular schedule to share my journal entries from my first trip to Haiti in February 2005. What follows over the next few days is the unedited text from my journal entries–aside from names.

At the beginning of February, my husband and I started thinking it might be a good idea to look into sending me to Haiti. I had been praying from the beginning of our adoption that Lucas would either be home before his birthday or that I would be able to spend it with him in Haiti. Though the cost of the trip would be a stretch financially, we felt good about me going the week of Lucas’ birthday if I could find someone to travel with and share expenses. (more…)