Parenting After Adoption

Now that Lucas has been a member of our family for two and a half years, we receive a lot of inquiries regarding his adjustment and growth.

In many ways, he is doing great. His height and weight are well within the normal range for a boy his age, he is active in baseball and soccer, and he is improving academically by leaps and bounds. His English is nearly fluent for a child of his age. He states that he is truly happy here and has no regrets regarding his move from Haiti to America. (more…)

I am often asked the following questions so here are my answers regarding my family’s experience:

As an American, why did you adopt a child in Haiti? Why not the U.S.? Children here need homes, too.

Simply put, why not? There are children all over the world who need families. For my family, Haiti is where we were led. We were not even planning to adopt at the time we adopted Lucas. Circumstances placed us in a the right place at the right time to learn about Lucas and feel a strong desire that moved us into action. We returned to Haiti because we did not want Lucas to be the only Haitian-born child in our family. (more…)

Haiti Trip #1

My first trip to Haiti where I experienced a lot of firsts. My first airport in a developing country, my first visit to a developing country, my first visit to an orphanage, meeting Lucas for the first time, and leaving a child behind for the first time.

• Traveling to Haiti
• The Airport Experience
• Arrival Home
• Visiting Lucas

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As we brought all our luggage to the vehicles and checked out of the hotel, Rhett and Claudia became serious and pressed close to me. I could tell they were fearful I was leaving them again. I wished with all my heart that it wasn’t going play out that way, but it was out of my control. They were going back to the orphanage and I would get on that plane alone.

On the drive to the orphanage, they sat with me in the van quietly observing the people and scenery we passed. If we saw a motorcycle, Rhett pointed it out, but not with his usual enthusiasm. When we pulled into the alley way that led to the front gate of the orphanage, Rhett began to cry and Claudia’s body became stiff against mine. Claudia quickly exited the van and walked up the steps into the building without even a backward glance to see if I was behind her. Rhett sobbed and held onto my hand. (more…)

We, the parents, were sitting at a table in the hotel restaurant when our children arrived. Rhett and Claudia recognized me immediately. Rhett’s eyes lit up and a big smile spread across his face as he hurried toward me. Claudia, however, was cautious. She obviously recognized me and raised her hands for me to pick her up when I approached her, but she appeared be nervous and shy.

My concerns about Claudia’s reaction were soon alleviated when she began smiling and laughing with the hour. We sat in the restaurant for a couple of hours eating and getting reacquainted then we went to our hotel room. Once there, both children opened up further and we enjoyed playing and singing together until meeting up with our group for the next meal. (more…)

In November 2007, we had reached the point in our adoption process where I was required to travel to in order to sign some paperwork for the U.S. government. It does sound a bit odd that I had to travel to Haiti for U.S. paperwork, but that is how it worked at that time for file the I-600 form when adopting in Haiti if we wanted United States Citizenship & Immigration Service (USCIS) in Port-au-Prince to do the field investigation while we were waiting in the Ministry of Interior (MOI) for passport approval.

Given the torturous parting in May 2006–note the number of months between trip #3 and trip #4–I was feeling quite torn about whether to meet with my children or not. The entire trip was only four days, with only 48 hours in Haiti at the hotel. (more…)

As I mentioned mentioned in my previous post, this month is two years since I traveled with my mother-in-law to spend a week in Haiti with Rhett and Claudia. It was an amazing week! One that I have carried with me every day for two years. Today I will share about leaving them behind–again.

Words cannot describe the pain the night we took the kids back to the orphanage. Rhett and Claudia knew the routine. They had experienced it with me when we left them behind six months before. And they had witnessed it happen many times with their peers. By the time we reached the gate, they were withdrawn and held onto me as if they hoped they could cling to me forever. (more…)

On the 1st of May 2005, I arrived in Haiti for the third time in 14 months. My mother-in-law traveled with me. It was a wonderful opportunity for her to become acquainted with the homeland of her Haitian-born grandchildren, volunteer at their orphanage, and most importantly, meet her grandchildren waiting in Haiti.

For me, it was an opportunity to spend some concentrated time with the children at the hotel. This was not our first meeting. That took place six months before when we traveled to Haiti to bring home our son, Lucas. We stayed in Haiti two extra days so we could meet and spend time with Rhett and Claudia. Rhett spent the two days with us, but Claudia was only with us for just shy of 24 hours. We knew, though, that we wanted to be their mom and dad. As soon I held them, I knew that I could never walk away from them. (more…)

As I recently shared with you, we have been in the process of adopting two children in Haiti since July 2005 — just three months before Lucas’ adoption was completed. Yesterday we received news that the files of one of our children, Rhett (6) and Claudia (5), have been submitted to the Ministry of Interior. This is awesome news! (more…)

The other day, during a conversation on another topic Lucas said to me, “You left me that day!” He and I both knew exactly what he was talking about. It was the day I left Haiti after my visit in February 2005. When Lucas is very upset with me, he doesn’t remind me that I am not the mother who gave birth to him. Instead, he reminds me that I left him after my visit. I don’t see this as a way to be vindictive, though. I view these moments as Lucas lashing out in fear that I will leave him again. Forever. (more…)

Familial feelings and the feelings of love and adoration after adoption truly depend on the family dynamics as well as the child’s history and ability to adapt to life in a new family. It is not uncommon for a family to not feel like a family – to not feel bonded. There are a variety of reasons why this may happen, but often it is simply the fact that you can not expect yourself to immediately fall in love a perfect stranger. (more…)

There are many reasons why homeschooling is a valid option for families who have adopted older children. For the purpose of this topic, I consider “older child” to be any child old enough for Kindergarten and above, but take what you need for your child, no matter her age. (more…)

Do to lack of time to research books on Domestic Adoption, today’s planned Tuesday Top 5 is postponed. In the meantime, here are the top five adoption websites I read on a regular basis.

1. The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
2. Transracial Adoption
3. Rainbow Kids
4. Open Adoption
5. Birth-First Parents

Copyright © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

Even in Haiti, we could see a lively sense of humor hidden underneath the layers of distrust and fear. One of the first experiences where it began to work its way to the surface was after the first time Lucas attended a birthday party. My husband had taken the kids to a cousin’s birthday party while I stayed home. As soon as Lucas came through the door, he sought me out. “Mama! Mama! Listen to me!”, he said then sang the first line of the Happy Birthday song a few times before blowing out imaginary candles and laughing a fully belly laugh. Lucas thought it absolutely hilarious that we Americans light our cakes on fire!

Copyright © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

It was nine months before I was able to return to Haiti. But I returned as I had promised L. He later told me that he believe that I lied to him and that I was never returning. I don’t blame him. Had I known it would be such a long time before he would be ready to travel, I would have visited again. Each month we kept thinking it would only be another month or two. Before we knew it, nine months went by.

For months I had dreamed of the day. Once I was finally there, it was a surreal experience. I was rendered speechless when we met L’s mom. I had a list of questions that I had brainstormed, but I left it at home. The best I could must was expressing our love for L and assuring her that we would provide him a good life in America. (more…)