Parenting After Adoption

There is a common thread among those who chose adoption for their child, a.k.a birth or first moms. Most, if not all, have been smacked upside the head with the commonly believed, yet negative, stereotypes about birth mothers. Either they are drug addicts or they are selfish and heartless because how could any mother possibly give away her own child.

The truth is that most birth mothers are in a situation where they believe—or they are led to believe—that they cannot or should not raise their child. They are girls and women who sacrifice themselves for what they believe is in the best interests of their child, whom they love beyond measure and mourn their loss. (more…)

Most, if not all, moms feel guilty about one thing or another. It’s just the way we are. As an adoptive mom, though, I have felt more than just the typical mom guilt. I go through periods of guilt for adopting Lucas and for proceeding with adoptions for Rhett and Claudia.

All three of them have living mothers. All were relinquished by their mothers to their respective orphanages for the express purpose of adoption. All listed their reasons as extreme poverty. Were it not for the unrelenting lack of food and resources, would they have continued to raise their children themselves? (more…)

Though annoyed, I am usually tolerant of articles that use inappropriate references to adoption because the authors usually seem well-meaning albeit ignorant, but the adoption articles on this lawyer website are just plain negative. I learned of them here.

When I went to read them for myself, I was shocked and saddened by the author’s choice of words and apparent attitude regarding adoption, moving me point out the negative attitude these articles exemplify, especially given they are on a website representing attorneys involved in adoption. (more…)

Lucas has a younger sister by birth, whom I will call Lucy. Due to circumstances beyond our control–and believe me, we tried–they were referred to different families in different countries. As soon as we learned about Lucy, we requested contact with her adoptive family, which they happily accepted

Lucy went to her new home four and a half months before Lucas arrived here. Her mother kept us up-to-date with letters and photos. She even told me once that Lucy often asked about me. Once Lucas was home, I began sharing updates as well, and I assumed everything was going well. (more…)

This weekend my family will celebrate Haiti’s Flag Day, which is an important holiday in Haiti. On Friday, I will send all of my children to school with mini Haitian flags and a brief history of Haiti’s flag to read to their class. Lucas will wear his My Two Countries t-shirt. On Saturday, we will meet with local group of Haitian people and adoptive families to celebrate at a local park. On Sunday, we will honor the actual day of the holiday by eating traditional Haitian food for dinner.

For Chinese New Year, we were thrilled to have my sister and niece visit. We celebrated by going to the most authentic Mandarin restaurant available with them and our extended family. My sister shared with us about my niece’s language and culture. Months later, all of my children still talk about the experience. They were only vaguely aware of China until my niece joined our family. Now they take as much interest in her culture as they do their siblings’ Haitian culture. (more…)

There are so many places I can go with this blog. When I stop to ponder just how many, I feel overwhelmed with the enormity of it. I also feel excited. In the weeks that I considered whether to return, I began a list of possible topics. Now I simply need to get busy researching and writing.

To begin, here is my vision for Parenting after Adoption. (more…)

Do to lack of time to research books on Domestic Adoption, today’s planned Tuesday Top 5 is postponed. In the meantime, here are the top five adoption websites I read on a regular basis.

1. The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
2. Transracial Adoption
3. Rainbow Kids
4. Open Adoption
5. Birth-First Parents

Copyright © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

I think of my L’s mom every day. I remember how it felt to be face-to-face with the woman who carried L in her womb; the woman who loved him before I knew him. Burned into my heart and mind forever is the sight of L’s first mom standing at the open gate of the orphanage watching as our van pulled away. N didn’t wave; she only stood there smiling, but it wasn’t a smile of joy. Through our translator, we learned that N believes the best place for L is in another family in another country where he can have enough to eat and go to school every day. As N stood at the gate watching us drive away, I saw pride in her smile yet deep pain in her eyes. (more…)

I promise, only a few more days of the letter A!

Today I will cover two A’s. They are not really intertwined, yet they both have slightly shorter explanations. The first is alcohol. (more…)

Okay, here it is. The promised adoptee blog! This week I am featuring a blog that is new to me. I have several friends who read this blog and I have, from time to time, looked at it. I just went back and read through several posts in an attempt to catch myself up. The blog is Ungrateful Little Bastard. (more…)

This list will have a lot of overlap from yesterday’s list of How to Treat Expectant Mothers. It is a much shorter list though. For some reason, I hit a block while trying to come up with these. If you see anything I missed, please let me know and I will edit the list! (more…)

First, I must say I have never been an expectant mother and I have never been a person considering placing my child for adoption. So, I may miss some major issues or I may focus on an issue so minor it was not worth mentioning. I am not trying to offend or upset anyone. I am simply sharing what I have gleaned from months of reading blogs, posting on forums, and listening to all sides of the triad. (more…)