Parenting After Adoption

Presumably due to their size and age, many people believe that an older child slips right into the family and the family can carry on with business as usual. It is easy to fall into this type of thinking since they are not one hundred percent dependent on their parent(s) for every need as newborns and infants do. This is even more so when the child joining the family is more than five years old.

Most, if not all, children who are entering into a new family situation are scared and feel quite vulnerable. Seldom do they have a history with their new family. Even if they do, they rarely have the kind of history and experience necessary for a relationship of trust and security. Therefore, it is imperative that their entire family–but the parent(s) in particular–create an atmosphere that is conducive to the new child feeling safe. It it not until they begin to feel safe that they can begin to bond and learn to trust. (more…)

As an adoptive parent, I often find it difficult to distinguish normal childhood behavior from that of a difficulty with attachment or behavior resulting from fear or insecurity. During the earliest weeks and months after Lucas joined our family, it was easy to tell the difference. Not so much now that he has been with us for over two and a half years and has a wide range of normal or typical behavior of children his age.

So what is a parent to do? Do we assume all is well until there is a fall out? Do we assume negative behavior is a sign of deep psychological or emotional trauma? In my opinion, we should assume all is not well until we can prove otherwise. (more…)

Now that Lucas has been a member of our family for two and a half years, we receive a lot of inquiries regarding his adjustment and growth.

In many ways, he is doing great. His height and weight are well within the normal range for a boy his age, he is active in baseball and soccer, and he is improving academically by leaps and bounds. His English is nearly fluent for a child of his age. He states that he is truly happy here and has no regrets regarding his move from Haiti to America. (more…)

Lucas has a younger sister by birth, whom I will call Lucy. Due to circumstances beyond our control–and believe me, we tried–they were referred to different families in different countries. As soon as we learned about Lucy, we requested contact with her adoptive family, which they happily accepted

Lucy went to her new home four and a half months before Lucas arrived here. Her mother kept us up-to-date with letters and photos. She even told me once that Lucy often asked about me. Once Lucas was home, I began sharing updates as well, and I assumed everything was going well. (more…)

I am often asked the following questions so here are my answers regarding my family’s experience:

As an American, why did you adopt a child in Haiti? Why not the U.S.? Children here need homes, too.

Simply put, why not? There are children all over the world who need families. For my family, Haiti is where we were led. We were not even planning to adopt at the time we adopted Lucas. Circumstances placed us in a the right place at the right time to learn about Lucas and feel a strong desire that moved us into action. We returned to Haiti because we did not want Lucas to be the only Haitian-born child in our family. (more…)

This weekend my family will celebrate Haiti’s Flag Day, which is an important holiday in Haiti. On Friday, I will send all of my children to school with mini Haitian flags and a brief history of Haiti’s flag to read to their class. Lucas will wear his My Two Countries t-shirt. On Saturday, we will meet with local group of Haitian people and adoptive families to celebrate at a local park. On Sunday, we will honor the actual day of the holiday by eating traditional Haitian food for dinner.

For Chinese New Year, we were thrilled to have my sister and niece visit. We celebrated by going to the most authentic Mandarin restaurant available with them and our extended family. My sister shared with us about my niece’s language and culture. Months later, all of my children still talk about the experience. They were only vaguely aware of China until my niece joined our family. Now they take as much interest in her culture as they do their siblings’ Haitian culture. (more…)

Whether you are a grandparent, parent, aunt, uncle, cousin, sibling, friend, etc. of someone who recently adopted a child, remember that welcome a new child into the family via adoption means that you must take a step back and wait for the adoptive family to adjust before you will be able to spend time with the newest member in your family. This is especially if your newest family member is beyond the newborn age. You must allow the child and his family space to get acquainted, establish family dynamics and begin the attachment process. (more…)

Okay, I’m a day late, but I was thinking of this all day on Tuesday. Does that count? I have been watching my stats and decided to share the top five posts so far this month. Some were written by me, and some by the previous blogger, Marci.

1. Comment Response

2. I Want to Hear From You

3. About My Family

4. Book Review: Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control

5. Signing Helps Language Development

© Copyright 2007 Rebecca Wilson. All Rights Reserved.
Used with permission.

The other day, I was at a convenience store purchasing ice and a few comfort items we forgot when packing for our trip. The cashier and I were engaged in conversation as she rang up my purchases. During the conversation, she asked how many children I have. When I told her that I have four children, she exclaimed, “Wow! You have a hand full!” I laughed and said, “Oh, they are so fun!” I imagine that wasn’t a response she expected because she just stood there staring at me as I left the store. (more…)

Our vacation plans changed at the end of last week when my 3-year-old became ill and my husband began passing a kidney stone. A 2-week trip two days from home no longer seemed enjoyable so we altered our plan to a 1-week trip a half day from home. We had only two days to change our entire itinerary, research the places we planned to visit, revise our menus and repack. We got a late start on Saturday, which threw off our schedule, and with it, L’s sense of security. (more…)

In my previous post on the subject, I talked about how my family adopted a boy who is close in age to our oldest daughter, who was born to us, and how they have adjusted to their new roles in our family. This is a controversial practice within the adoption community. (more…)

Sally brought up an excellent topic in her comments to my previous post. She said, “I am especially interested in hearing about the two sets of kids that are so close in age … I’ve always wondered how it would work out if I had a birth child and adopted child that were the same age versus one older/younger.” (more…)

Today is my first Fourth of July as a mother. Last year we had friends over for a cook-out and to watch fireworks. This year, we will sit in our drive way with a baby monitor in our laps catching whatever fireworks reach our home. We are so truly blessed!

One year ago, I had no idea my life was about to change forever. (more…)