Parenting After Adoption

One thing I will never truly know is what is like to walk in my children’s shoes. This is true of them all. I can usually empathize with them, though, because I have been through similar experiences. I can tell stories of my own childhood and we can connect over shared emotions through similar experiences.

What I will never know is how it might feel to be adopted, how it might feel to be the lone dark-skinned child in family where everyone else has very light skin, or how it feels to be judged solely upon the color of my skin? Nor for the latter to be the source of being pre-judged by those around me. (more…)

As an adoptive parent, I often find it difficult to distinguish normal childhood behavior from that of a difficulty with attachment or behavior resulting from fear or insecurity. During the earliest weeks and months after Lucas joined our family, it was easy to tell the difference. Not so much now that he has been with us for over two and a half years and has a wide range of normal or typical behavior of children his age.

So what is a parent to do? Do we assume all is well until there is a fall out? Do we assume negative behavior is a sign of deep psychological or emotional trauma? In my opinion, we should assume all is not well until we can prove otherwise. (more…)

Most, if not all, moms feel guilty about one thing or another. It’s just the way we are. As an adoptive mom, though, I have felt more than just the typical mom guilt. I go through periods of guilt for adopting Lucas and for proceeding with adoptions for Rhett and Claudia.

All three of them have living mothers. All were relinquished by their mothers to their respective orphanages for the express purpose of adoption. All listed their reasons as extreme poverty. Were it not for the unrelenting lack of food and resources, would they have continued to raise their children themselves? (more…)

Now that Lucas has been a member of our family for two and a half years, we receive a lot of inquiries regarding his adjustment and growth.

In many ways, he is doing great. His height and weight are well within the normal range for a boy his age, he is active in baseball and soccer, and he is improving academically by leaps and bounds. His English is nearly fluent for a child of his age. He states that he is truly happy here and has no regrets regarding his move from Haiti to America. (more…)

Though annoyed, I am usually tolerant of articles that use inappropriate references to adoption because the authors usually seem well-meaning albeit ignorant, but the adoption articles on this lawyer website are just plain negative. I learned of them here.

When I went to read them for myself, I was shocked and saddened by the author’s choice of words and apparent attitude regarding adoption, moving me point out the negative attitude these articles exemplify, especially given they are on a website representing attorneys involved in adoption. (more…)

Lucas has a younger sister by birth, whom I will call Lucy. Due to circumstances beyond our control–and believe me, we tried–they were referred to different families in different countries. As soon as we learned about Lucy, we requested contact with her adoptive family, which they happily accepted

Lucy went to her new home four and a half months before Lucas arrived here. Her mother kept us up-to-date with letters and photos. She even told me once that Lucy often asked about me. Once Lucas was home, I began sharing updates as well, and I assumed everything was going well. (more…)

One topic that comes up among all members of the triad is who is the “real mother” for the child(ren) in question. Is she the woman who gave the child life? Is the woman who is there day to day to care for the child more real than the one who is not? Does a woman without contact with her child have a right to call herself his mother? Who is the real mom?

Everyone has their opinion. I have my opinion, and, yes, I’m going to share it with you. (more…)

There are so many places I can go with this blog. When I stop to ponder just how many, I feel overwhelmed with the enormity of it. I also feel excited. In the weeks that I considered whether to return, I began a list of possible topics. Now I simply need to get busy researching and writing.

To begin, here is my vision for Parenting after Adoption. (more…)

It’s time for another Tuesday Top 5! I simply could not narrow my favorites down to only five book choices. There are so many wonderful, worthwhile, informative books on the market for the adoptive parent demographic. Likewise, there are so many unique situations in adoptive families. If I choose only five books over a broad range of situations, I would have to leave out other important books. Yes, I have that many favorites!
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Okay, here it is. The promised adoptee blog! This week I am featuring a blog that is new to me. I have several friends who read this blog and I have, from time to time, looked at it. I just went back and read through several posts in an attempt to catch myself up. The blog is Ungrateful Little Bastard. (more…)

Today I am officially beginning my ABC’s series. A will take me a few days because there are a lot of terms to cover that begin with A. The first is, of course, adopt and all its derivatives. I covered in a previous post that adopt is a verb, not an adjective. So, I will not repeat myself here! (more…)