Be Kind to Birth Moms
There is a common thread among those who chose adoption for their child, a.k.a birth or first moms. Most, if not all, have been smacked upside the head with the commonly believed, yet negative, stereotypes about birth mothers. Either they are drug addicts or they are selfish and heartless because how could any mother possibly give away her own child.
The truth is that most birth mothers are in a situation where they believe—or they are led to believe—that they cannot or should not raise their child. They are girls and women who sacrifice themselves for what they believe is in the best interests of their child, whom they love beyond measure and mourn their loss.
All to often, I read and hear from women who are then told by individuals and society that from that moment on their loss is invalid, their child was never theirs, and they should just shut up and quit whining about it.
I am appalled by the number of people who believe it is their right to troll blogs and forums telling these women to stop talking and writing about their reactions, their feelings, and their grief. What right do any of us have to tell another how she should think or feel about any life experience?!
No matter the reason for her choice, when a mother decides to have another person raise her child, it is a loss that she must somehow live with for the rest of her life. We all deal with grief in our own unique way. Some overcome it quickly but most do not. It’s a lifetime of healing and learning to how to live in spite of the loss.
So be kind to these women whom we call birth moms. Remember that loss is loss and grief is grief no matter the reason. If you don’t like what they say in their blogs, don’t read them. If you want to read, refrain from criticizing them. You don’t have to agree, just be kind when you do.
Birth moms have a right to grieve and they have a right to do so in the way that is most cathartic for them.
Our previous blogger, Marci Spray, touched on this topic as well in her article, How to Treat Birth Mothers.
Copyright © 2008 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: kahanaboy @ morgueFile
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