Anxiety in Adopted Children
No matter the age of your child when he was adopted, at some point you probably have experienced separation anxiety, yours and your child’s. It is a part of normal development for a child to experience anxiety about time away from parents, just as it is part of normal transitions in parenting for parents to feel anxiety about being apart from their child. This is played out every year as children go off to daycare when mom and dad both have to work, for little Suzy and her parents on the first day of preschool, and even for parents leaving their child at Kindergarten on the first day of school. Separation is inevitable. Anxiety about it is normal.
What about when the anxiety is not a part of normal development or usual life transitions? When your child has experienced trauma in her past, it may seem that anxiety is her middle name. Some children will draw inward when they are anxious; some will act out, causing misery for everyone around them. Regardless of the way your child exhibits her anxiety, there will usually be a definite change in behavior, even if you are the only one who can perceive the change in behavior. I can tell by the way L looks at me. There is always a change in his eye contact, facial expression and posture when he is feeling a little anxious. It takes a high degree of anxiety to cause a change that others can see.
How you handle the situation depends on the circumstances behind the anxiety and the way your child is exhibiting his anxiety. Whatever you do, validate your child. His anxiety and fears are most definitely real. A child who has experienced trauma does not view everyday situations the same as a child who has not. Many children with traumatic backgrounds experience post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) even if they can not remember the details of the trauma they experienced. For children adopted at an older age, it may be the adoption process itself that is traumatic.
I can not stress enough how vital it is for a child’s growth and development that the adults in his life take seriously his anxiety. It is vital to his healing, to his ability to trust, to everything he needs to feel safe. When his fears are dismissed or go unnoticed by his parents, the child learns that he can not trust his parents to keep him safe. This is exactly what you do not want to inadvertently teach your child!
Talking to her teacher is also important for your child’s well-being. Explain to the teacher about your child’s situation, what triggers you know to exist for her and what the teacher can do to help your child feel safe. Communicate regularly with her teacher until your child is feeling comfortable. Keep in mind that it may take several months or even a few school years before that happens for your child.
Though L has overcome most of his separation anxiety, especially at school, there is still some residual nervousness about the upcoming school year. I have validated him by asserting that the first day of school and all the change can be scary. Together we talked about ways I can help him feel more comfortable. I will do all in my power to help L feel safe and confident on his first day back at school. My goal is to help L to replace a negative feedback loop with a positive one by helping him make that first day a successful experience.
For more information:
Grief and Loss Issues for Adopted Children
PTSD in Internationally Adopted Children
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Post-Institutionalized Children
Copyright © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.
Photo credit: stock.xchng
grief and loss, PTSD in adopted children, PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, attachment, adoption
September 27th, 2007 at 12:57 am
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