Parenting After Adoption

You may have noticed that Parenting After Adoption is has been down a lot lately.  The cause is a very serious hardware issue that was unavoidable, but definitely being addressed by the 451Press network owners.  We were informed yesterday that several hardware parts and machines have been purchased.  Yay!  Unfortunately, it will take another week or two to get everything ship shape again.  So please be patient!  We’re still here and we’ll be running strong as soon as humanly possible.

Due to the outages, I have been unable to post regularly.  Even if the blog loads, that doesn’t mean I can get into the control panel to publish entries.  Weird, I know!  But it’s true.

I’m trying to post when I can get in so stay tuned!

One thing I will never truly know is what is like to walk in my children’s shoes. This is true of them all. I can usually empathize with them, though, because I have been through similar experiences. I can tell stories of my own childhood and we can connect over shared emotions through similar experiences.

What I will never know is how it might feel to be adopted, how it might feel to be the lone dark-skinned child in family where everyone else has very light skin, or how it feels to be judged solely upon the color of my skin? Nor for the latter to be the source of being pre-judged by those around me. (more…)

Presumably due to their size and age, many people believe that an older child slips right into the family and the family can carry on with business as usual. It is easy to fall into this type of thinking since they are not one hundred percent dependent on their parent(s) for every need as newborns and infants do. This is even more so when the child joining the family is more than five years old.

Most, if not all, children who are entering into a new family situation are scared and feel quite vulnerable. Seldom do they have a history with their new family. Even if they do, they rarely have the kind of history and experience necessary for a relationship of trust and security. Therefore, it is imperative that their entire family–but the parent(s) in particular–create an atmosphere that is conducive to the new child feeling safe. It it not until they begin to feel safe that they can begin to bond and learn to trust. (more…)

There is a common thread among those who chose adoption for their child, a.k.a birth or first moms. Most, if not all, have been smacked upside the head with the commonly believed, yet negative, stereotypes about birth mothers. Either they are drug addicts or they are selfish and heartless because how could any mother possibly give away her own child.

The truth is that most birth mothers are in a situation where they believe—or they are led to believe—that they cannot or should not raise their child. They are girls and women who sacrifice themselves for what they believe is in the best interests of their child, whom they love beyond measure and mourn their loss. (more…)

As an adoptive parent, I often find it difficult to distinguish normal childhood behavior from that of a difficulty with attachment or behavior resulting from fear or insecurity. During the earliest weeks and months after Lucas joined our family, it was easy to tell the difference. Not so much now that he has been with us for over two and a half years and has a wide range of normal or typical behavior of children his age.

So what is a parent to do? Do we assume all is well until there is a fall out? Do we assume negative behavior is a sign of deep psychological or emotional trauma? In my opinion, we should assume all is not well until we can prove otherwise. (more…)

Most, if not all, moms feel guilty about one thing or another. It’s just the way we are. As an adoptive mom, though, I have felt more than just the typical mom guilt. I go through periods of guilt for adopting Lucas and for proceeding with adoptions for Rhett and Claudia.

All three of them have living mothers. All were relinquished by their mothers to their respective orphanages for the express purpose of adoption. All listed their reasons as extreme poverty. Were it not for the unrelenting lack of food and resources, would they have continued to raise their children themselves? (more…)