Parenting After Adoption

My view of adoption is still forming. What I once thought of adoption and what I think now are quite different. I once thought that Lucas was always supposed to be our son; he merely needed to go through Haiti first. I now believe that it is truly unfortunate that he was not able to remain with his first family. (more…)

The other day, during a conversation on another topic Lucas said to me, “You left me that day!” He and I both knew exactly what he was talking about. It was the day I left Haiti after my visit in February 2005. When Lucas is very upset with me, he doesn’t remind me that I am not the mother who gave birth to him. Instead, he reminds me that I left him after my visit. I don’t see this as a way to be vindictive, though. I view these moments as Lucas lashing out in fear that I will leave him again. Forever. (more…)

At the end of the last month, I introduced a books series for the Tuesday Top 5. My first week I shared my top five books for attaching in adoption with a bonus for general parenting after adoption. This week I’m covering domestic adoption. (more…)

Familial feelings and the feelings of love and adoration after adoption truly depend on the family dynamics as well as the child’s history and ability to adapt to life in a new family. It is not uncommon for a family to not feel like a family – to not feel bonded. There are a variety of reasons why this may happen, but often it is simply the fact that you can not expect yourself to immediately fall in love a perfect stranger. (more…)

I have not spoken much of my children still waiting in Haiti. In part, it is because there is little to say since we don’t have contact with them other than the photos we receive and the letters we send to them. But also because talking of them is painful for me. We have been in this adoption process for over 2 years and we have faced so many obstacles. This adoption overlapped Lucas’ adoption so we have been in active adopting mode for over three years. My mental, emotional and physical health are beginning to show signs of wear and tear. (more…)

There are many reasons why homeschooling is a valid option for families who have adopted older children. For the purpose of this topic, I consider “older child” to be any child old enough for Kindergarten and above, but take what you need for your child, no matter her age. (more…)

Do to lack of time to research books on Domestic Adoption, today’s planned Tuesday Top 5 is postponed. In the meantime, here are the top five adoption websites I read on a regular basis.

1. The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
2. Transracial Adoption
3. Rainbow Kids
4. Open Adoption
5. Birth-First Parents

Copyright © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

Even in Haiti, we could see a lively sense of humor hidden underneath the layers of distrust and fear. One of the first experiences where it began to work its way to the surface was after the first time Lucas attended a birthday party. My husband had taken the kids to a cousin’s birthday party while I stayed home. As soon as Lucas came through the door, he sought me out. “Mama! Mama! Listen to me!”, he said then sang the first line of the Happy Birthday song a few times before blowing out imaginary candles and laughing a fully belly laugh. Lucas thought it absolutely hilarious that we Americans light our cakes on fire!

Copyright © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

….me!

In light of the fact it is my birthday, I’m not going to catch up as I would normally do on a Saturday when I miss days during the week. Instead, my family and I are going out shortly to celebrate at the local family fun center. (more…)

I think of my L’s mom every day. I remember how it felt to be face-to-face with the woman who carried L in her womb; the woman who loved him before I knew him. Burned into my heart and mind forever is the sight of L’s first mom standing at the open gate of the orphanage watching as our van pulled away. N didn’t wave; she only stood there smiling, but it wasn’t a smile of joy. Through our translator, we learned that N believes the best place for L is in another family in another country where he can have enough to eat and go to school every day. As N stood at the gate watching us drive away, I saw pride in her smile yet deep pain in her eyes. (more…)

Though the URL will not change, Parenting the Adopted will now be known as Parenting After Adoption. If you ever wonder whether your feedback and suggestions are heard, this is proof. A few of you offered feedback in private about the original name of the blog, and I took your comments into consideration. Naturally it helped that I agreed, but I do take seriously all feedback, comments and suggestions you send in. I approached the “powers that be” within the 451Press network about a name change. We decided on Parenting After Adoption.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming….

Copyright  © 2007 Becky Wilson. All Rights Reserved.

As promised, here is the first installment of my eight-week Tuesday Top 5 Book Series. They are listed in alphabetical order by title. (more…)

It was nine months before I was able to return to Haiti. But I returned as I had promised L. He later told me that he believe that I lied to him and that I was never returning. I don’t blame him. Had I known it would be such a long time before he would be ready to travel, I would have visited again. Each month we kept thinking it would only be another month or two. Before we knew it, nine months went by.

For months I had dreamed of the day. Once I was finally there, it was a surreal experience. I was rendered speechless when we met L’s mom. I had a list of questions that I had brainstormed, but I left it at home. The best I could must was expressing our love for L and assuring her that we would provide him a good life in America. (more…)

As with the previous entries, these are taken directly from my journal.

I know that many of you are wondering if I will ever write about my visit with Lucas. Even my husband is probably wondering when I will share the details with him. I have started many times, but I can never finish. Either I would end up in tears or I would find myself unable to finish sharing what is so very dear to my heart. I’m only three sentences into this writing and already my heart is full and my eyes are wet. Yet I must write before I begin to forget the details.

(more…)

Saturday, February 19, 2005 arrived far too quickly, but I was so excited to go home that I jumped out of bed and was ready to go within 10 minutes! Once we checked in and arrived at our gate, I called home. It was 4 a.m. our time, but I didn’t care. I just had to hear my husband’s voice and tell him some of what I had experienced. We were only able to talk for about 15 minutes, but it was enough to get me through the rest of the day. (more…)