by Becky Wilson
You may have noticed that Parenting After Adoption is has been down a lot lately. The cause is a very serious hardware issue that was unavoidable, but definitely being addressed by the 451Press network owners. We were informed yesterday that several hardware parts and machines have been purchased. Yay! Unfortunately, it will take another week or two to get everything ship shape again. So please be patient! We’re still here and we’ll be running strong as soon as humanly possible.
Due to the outages, I have been unable to post regularly. Even if the blog loads, that doesn’t mean I can get into the control panel to publish entries. Weird, I know! But it’s true.
I’m trying to post when I can get in so stay tuned!
by Becky Wilson
One thing I will never truly know is what is like to walk in my children’s shoes. This is true of them all. I can usually empathize with them, though, because I have been through similar experiences. I can tell stories of my own childhood and we can connect over shared emotions through similar experiences.
What I will never know is how it might feel to be adopted, how it might feel to be the lone dark-skinned child in family where everyone else has very light skin, or how it feels to be judged solely upon the color of my skin? Nor for the latter to be the source of being pre-judged by those around me. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Presumably due to their size and age, many people believe that an older child slips right into the family and the family can carry on with business as usual. It is easy to fall into this type of thinking since they are not one hundred percent dependent on their parent(s) for every need as newborns and infants do. This is even more so when the child joining the family is more than five years old.
Most, if not all, children who are entering into a new family situation are scared and feel quite vulnerable. Seldom do they have a history with their new family. Even if they do, they rarely have the kind of history and experience necessary for a relationship of trust and security. Therefore, it is imperative that their entire family–but the parent(s) in particular–create an atmosphere that is conducive to the new child feeling safe. It it not until they begin to feel safe that they can begin to bond and learn to trust. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
There is a common thread among those who chose adoption for their child, a.k.a birth or first moms. Most, if not all, have been smacked upside the head with the commonly believed, yet negative, stereotypes about birth mothers. Either they are drug addicts or they are selfish and heartless because how could any mother possibly give away her own child.
The truth is that most birth mothers are in a situation where they believe—or they are led to believe—that they cannot or should not raise their child. They are girls and women who sacrifice themselves for what they believe is in the best interests of their child, whom they love beyond measure and mourn their loss. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
As an adoptive parent, I often find it difficult to distinguish normal childhood behavior from that of a difficulty with attachment or behavior resulting from fear or insecurity. During the earliest weeks and months after Lucas joined our family, it was easy to tell the difference. Not so much now that he has been with us for over two and a half years and has a wide range of normal or typical behavior of children his age.
So what is a parent to do? Do we assume all is well until there is a fall out? Do we assume negative behavior is a sign of deep psychological or emotional trauma? In my opinion, we should assume all is not well until we can prove otherwise. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Most, if not all, moms feel guilty about one thing or another. It’s just the way we are. As an adoptive mom, though, I have felt more than just the typical mom guilt. I go through periods of guilt for adopting Lucas and for proceeding with adoptions for Rhett and Claudia.
All three of them have living mothers. All were relinquished by their mothers to their respective orphanages for the express purpose of adoption. All listed their reasons as extreme poverty. Were it not for the unrelenting lack of food and resources, would they have continued to raise their children themselves? Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Now that Lucas has been a member of our family for two and a half years, we receive a lot of inquiries regarding his adjustment and growth.
In many ways, he is doing great. His height and weight are well within the normal range for a boy his age, he is active in baseball and soccer, and he is improving academically by leaps and bounds. His English is nearly fluent for a child of his age. He states that he is truly happy here and has no regrets regarding his move from Haiti to America. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Though annoyed, I am usually tolerant of articles that use inappropriate references to adoption because the authors usually seem well-meaning albeit ignorant, but the adoption articles on this lawyer website are just plain negative. I learned of them here.
When I went to read them for myself, I was shocked and saddened by the author’s choice of words and apparent attitude regarding adoption, moving me point out the negative attitude these articles exemplify, especially given they are on a website representing attorneys involved in adoption. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Let me set the record straight . . .
I am not a saint!
As soon as people learn that Lucas was born in another country or that we adopted him at 5 years old or that we are adopting again in Haiti, more often than not, they launch into a spiel about my husband and I being saints and how fortunate our children are that we adopted them. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Lucas has a younger sister by birth, whom I will call Lucy. Due to circumstances beyond our control–and believe me, we tried–they were referred to different families in different countries. As soon as we learned about Lucy, we requested contact with her adoptive family, which they happily accepted
Lucy went to her new home four and a half months before Lucas arrived here. Her mother kept us up-to-date with letters and photos. She even told me once that Lucy often asked about me. Once Lucas was home, I began sharing updates as well, and I assumed everything was going well. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
I am often asked the following questions so here are my answers regarding my family’s experience:
As an American, why did you adopt a child in Haiti? Why not the U.S.? Children here need homes, too.
Simply put, why not? There are children all over the world who need families. For my family, Haiti is where we were led. We were not even planning to adopt at the time we adopted Lucas. Circumstances placed us in a the right place at the right time to learn about Lucas and feel a strong desire that moved us into action. We returned to Haiti because we did not want Lucas to be the only Haitian-born child in our family. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
Haiti Trip #1
My first trip to Haiti where I experienced a lot of firsts. My first airport in a developing country, my first visit to a developing country, my first visit to an orphanage, meeting Lucas for the first time, and leaving a child behind for the first time.
Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
On Wednesay evening there was a tragic accident at the home of Steven and Mary Beth Chapman. Their youngest daughter, Maria Sue, was hit by a car in their driveway and died hours later as a result of her injuries. Reports say it was one of her brothers who did not see her as he was backing out of their driveway
Maria Sue had celebrated her 5th birthday less than two weeks before her death. She is the youngest of six children in the Chapman family. Steven is a well-known award-winning Christian music artist. He and Mary Beth adopted Marie Sue and two of her sisters in China. After their first adoption, they founded Shaohanna’s Hope to provide grants to help offset the costs of adoption fees for families Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
As we brought all our luggage to the vehicles and checked out of the hotel, Rhett and Claudia became serious and pressed close to me. I could tell they were fearful I was leaving them again. I wished with all my heart that it wasn’t going play out that way, but it was out of my control. They were going back to the orphanage and I would get on that plane alone.
On the drive to the orphanage, they sat with me in the van quietly observing the people and scenery we passed. If we saw a motorcycle, Rhett pointed it out, but not with his usual enthusiasm. When we pulled into the alley way that led to the front gate of the orphanage, Rhett began to cry and Claudia’s body became stiff against mine. Claudia quickly exited the van and walked up the steps into the building without even a backward glance to see if I was behind her. Rhett sobbed and held onto my hand. Read the rest of this entry »
by Becky Wilson
We, the parents, were sitting at a table in the hotel restaurant when our children arrived. Rhett and Claudia recognized me immediately. Rhett’s eyes lit up and a big smile spread across his face as he hurried toward me. Claudia, however, was cautious. She obviously recognized me and raised her hands for me to pick her up when I approached her, but she appeared be nervous and shy.
My concerns about Claudia’s reaction were soon alleviated when she began smiling and laughing with the hour. We sat in the restaurant for a couple of hours eating and getting reacquainted then we went to our hotel room. Once there, both children opened up further and we enjoyed playing and singing together until meeting up with our group for the next meal. Read the rest of this entry »
